Wordless Wednesday (shout out to Amanda B)

Rings

I had no idea what to do with my rings, but I know I needed to change something. One of my sweetest but "baddest" little girls at work is kinda obsessed with my rings. Everytime she saw that I was still wearing my wedding ring, she would say, "it's still hard, isn't it, Mrs Erica?".

I had HeeJ's wedding band engraved with HJK and sized to fit my ring finger. I had my wedding rings sized to fit the right hand and engraved with HJK. I also sized the ring Mama Kim gave me when we told her I was pregnant.

It's not supposed to be like this. I remember when he gave me those rings. The engagement ring was placed so carefuly on display in a vase when he proposed. We pick out the wedding bands together. He wanted some unique. I'm not supposed to be wearing his band.

Heaven and Heartbreak

I am so grateful and amazed that HeeJun knew Jesus and experienced a deep relationship with Him before...this. thank God for A.C and Corey, for sharing the Gospel with him in college. it brings me such comfort and hope. it also makes me so sad for my friends and family that don't know Him. i fear deeply for them. i have no idea how i would feel if this had happened and i did not know where HeeJun was and Who he was rejoicing with. my grief would be unimaginable. i fear for my friends and family. if we have learned anything through this, it is that we can not waste another minute, we are not promised tomorrow. we can't wait until we are older, or wiser. we can not make excuses. the isses like abortion, homosexuality, alcohol, those are just excuses, small roadblocks that are keeping us from the real issue. the other stuff will work itself out. it's not about the "rules" or right and wrong. HeeJun knew it was about a relationship with Christ, a deep Faith. I know I constantly question why He did this, was it His plan, what was the point? Even though I question and hurt and at times I don't believe He loves me, I know, I KNOW that Jesus is Lord. I know that He is Truth. I know He will not leave me. i trust that He is Good. my heart breaks for those who don't know.

i am reading "90 minutes in Heaven". I could only get through the 2nd chapter. it is supposedly a true story of a man who is dead for 90 minutes. he states, "When I died, I didn't flow through a tunnel...Joy pulsated through me as I looked around, and at that moment I became aware of a large crown of people. They stood in front of a brilliant, ornate gate. Distance did not matter. Time did not matter. The crowds presence seemed absolutely natural. They rushed towards me..smiling, shouting and praising God. It was as though they stood outside Heaven's gate, waiting for me, welcoming me...ecstatic bliss overwhlemed me...the crown surrounded me...never had i felt so loved...pain and grief vanished...the joyousness of the place wiped away any questions...everything was blissful and perfect....more and more people came to welcome me...their faces radiated a serenity i had never seen on earth...Heaven was many things, but without a doubt, it was the greatest family reunion of all."
" I had never felt such powerful embraces or feasted my eyes on such beauty. Warm, radiant light engulfed me. Dazzling, vivid colors."
"I wasn't consious of anything I had left behind. Time had no meaning...Felt no regrets of leaving earth..I could only rejoice...I felt more loved than I had ever in my life."
"The sound of Heaven...holy swoosh of wings...brilliant and pleasant sound ever...i was part of the music...melodies of praise...joyful worship...

I shed lots of tears reading this book adn imaginging what it must have been like for HeeJun and what it will be like for me when we do meet again.