A haircut for Erica(t)

Still waiting for the crash and I guess it's not coming.

I went and visited my family and friends in Raleigh last weekend and chopped off my hair. I love it! I feel like a new woman! My hairstylist/friend is wonderful and said to me "the Bible commands us to take care of widows, and she wants to take care of me." And she does!!!! I love the red streak in the front, paying homage to my old red days. The sad part about getting a brand new do is walking into the house and wanting to see and hear HeeJun's reaction. I remember when I first dyed my hair bright red. He picked me up from the salon and drove right by me because he didn't even recognize me. He loved changing my hair color. He would email me pictures of hair colors that he thought would look good on me. Oh the dreaded platinum blond stage...all his idea.

While there, I visited the "spot". I thought this will be it. This will be when I lose it. Good. But all I could do was giggle. I think you might be able to see the spot from space. HeeJun would roll his eyes at all the flowers, and windchimes, and solar lights (yes, i said solar lights) and stones, and angels and candles that friends and family have brought there. So instead of tears, I was giggling. The stone I placed there a year ago is fading, and that disturbed me a bit, so I brought it home. It was a stone I found in Cape Breton shaped like a heart. I wrote "EJA "hearts" HJK" on it and Always on the other side. I gave it to him our junior year in high school. In the beginning, I felt like I never wanted to leave that spot. I only wanted to lay there forever. Now, it feels like it is not mine to lie on. I still own the property (weird to own a grave), but it is not mine anymore. Not in a bad way. It brings others comfort to be there. But my place, our place is somewhere else. For now, in our home where we shared life I find most comfort and memories of him. I also think there is something to the fact that in the beginning all I could think of was this was the end; I just wanted to be closer to him...but now, I hold onto to the Hope that he's going to be introducing me to Jesus one day. (far off in the future, mom, don't worry.)