A few weekends ago my boyfriend came home with me to meet the parents. I am used to intertwining HeeJun and the boyfriend into my home here, but I did not expect the emotions that came up to happen at my parents house. It was a weird feeling. It was the first time I have felt like I was cheating on HeeJun. My parents house is where HeeJun and I pretty much grew up together. I was able to acknowledge these feelings and talk about them with Thee Boyfriend. 
There was a moment, though, that I was up in my old bedroom and Thee Boyfriend was downstairs. In that bedroom is a picture of me and HeeJun on our wedding day. There was a moment where I wanted to take that picture and just lie on my old bed all day and cry. It would have been so easy. To just lie there and remember and be swallowed up in my grief forever. Instead I looked at the picture of HeeJun and said out loud, "I love you. I will always love you and miss you. But you left me. I have this incredible man downstairs who I love, too. My heart is big enough. And I am strong enough to walk downstairs and embrace this life while holding onto the life I had with you, too". I had to say it and I had to push myself to take those steps downstairs.
Not easy but you gotta fight for Joy.
9 comments:
Good for you!
You made me cry! HEHE It's so wonderful to see how happy you are and the strides you are taking. I'm proud of you and love you! Chad's a blessed man and you're a blessed lady! :)
I am a friend of Melodie's, and found you via her blog.
You are a great writer...I don't know you, but I am happy you are happy :)
This post made me smile through the tears as I read.
What a beautiful picture of a life being redeemed. I love you and I love the healing that has been happening. You are amazing, and I thank God for your Joy.
Have you ever had a strange widow experience, only to open up a blog and find someone else blogging about nearly the same thing?
Thank you for giving me the answer I needed today.
xoxo
OMG! Great post!! I'm starting a new relationship, and it's hard and scary. But, I've found an amazing guy that is willing to ride this ride with me. I love that you had the strength and courage to take that walk down those stairs. I find soo much hope in this post. Thank you so much for sharing!! :)
Inspirational.
I know it had to be such a hard thing to say those words, but good for you! I'm so thankful for the life and love that you and HeeJun shared and I'm excited for what God may have for your future. I know it's not the future you ever imagined you were going to have, but I'm thankful that God is blessing it with new, happy memories.
Oh, man, I sure wish I had some advice! I feel like I've just realized lately how much I am comparing the guys I date to Greg.
After so many years, I thought I was above that, and smarter. But smarts don't seem to help in this department.
I've had these moments on dates that I just got so turned off and disappointed because... they were not Greg. I don't quite know if that means I should dump the guy or change my thinking.
A recent guy seems great in every way, but something is holding me back. I'm not sure if it's a reason to bolt or hold on for the ride.
But this is what I took from your blog, hoping that it is my answer for this guy or maybe for a future one:
I am strong enough to walk downstairs and embrace this life while holding onto the life I had with you, too.
(I've been trying to compose a blog post in my head but haven't quite got it yet!)
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