Idol and Dancing

I had a hard time watching American Idol this season. I didn't watch it at all until last night. No idea who Adam or this Kris guy was. It was just too hard to remember HeeJun laughing at me when I tried to sing or saying, "the worst part of Idol is that afterwards you always sing for hours after". He laughed that he couldn't hear the actual music because I was singing over it. It was hard to know that he would miss this season.

I was able to watch it last night, the finale. I ended up singing with the songs loudly and singing all night, hearing HeeJ laughing and whining that I was tone deaf.

So You Think You Can Dance started tonight. I had no idea how I would react. It was HeeJ's favorite show. One of his motorcycle buddies commented that during one of their track days, HeeJun stole the remote and made them sit and watch SYTYCD. HeeJun was comfortable in his love of watching a good hip-hop routine. We always watched it together, rushed home to watch it, high fived on Thursday nights so excited. I always paused and put the dances in slow motion to try to do the moves. HeeJun would laugh, oh that precious laugh, I miss that laugh. I loved making him laugh. There was one move where I would try try try and could never get- popping my arms at my chest while shaking my bootie. It would put him in hysterics on the ground.

I wasn't sure if I would even be able to watch it this year. Even these seemingly stupid and mundane things are hard, right? But I did watch it. Some tears, some longing for him to be next to me on the couch admiring the poppers and lockers. Mostly smiles at the memories.