Thursday, April 29, 2010


I have been having the same nightmare for the past 2 weeks or so. Remember I am a crazy sleeper; sleep walk, sleep talk, take showers in my sleep...crazy.

This dream haunts me and it takes me about an hour to actually realize it was only a dream after I wake up. My brain just won't let me wrap my mind around it.

In this dream, I have either buried someone or hid them. Apparently I did it after the funeral and suddenly I am remembering I did it 20 months later. I can never remember who I hid and where I hid them. It's either a child or a friend, but my mind won't let me remember. I just know I put them somewhere and forgot. In the dream I blame my grief for being so forgetful and am also kind of scared to go find this person because I think they must be dead by now, since I have left them for so long. In one dream, the person came back while I was sleeping and was all skeletal. I was crying in my sleep, saying "thank God you found me", but was also scared.

After I wake up it takes me so long to realize it was a dream. I really think I have forgotten someone and left them somewhere. My body is usually shaking and I'm near tears.

What does it mean? What have I forgotten?

Wednesday, April 21, 2010


Check out the website created by a very dear friend of mine.

Check out the retreat in August. It will be incredible.

I know I haven't posted in a while. I have had some...boundary issues. I still read every one elses' blogs and find great comfort in reading and hearing from my widow blog friends. There are so many feelings I have had these past couple of months and many times I want to write them down here, but I am still wrestling with not wanting people to know how I am feeling. If one more person asks me if I'm going to kill myself, I'll scream!

So, maybe you will hear from me soon, maybe only through other blog posts. Either way, check out and be comforted.