Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Job and Dancing

I read a bit of Job last night and was...humbled and comforted. Reading Job 38- 42 where God answers Job's questions with asking "Where were you when I laid the foundation of the Earth? Did you tell the ocean it can only come this far?'" How can I possible understand God's mind and character. It is only my job to rest in His care. Trust Him for who He is.

I was listening to a CD I burned quickly of the music HeeJ had on his computer. As I am crying over "Blessed Be The Name" and sobbing "you give and take away", suddenly "Wu Tang Clan Ain't nothing to @#$$% with" came blaring through the speakers. That's my HeeJun. I actually danced a bit to "Damn, Don't It Feel Good to be a Gangster".

I went to the "spot" today. It is difficult to say grave. I woke up early and just had to go get windchimes for the spot. I went to three different stores and probably freaked a few people out with my desperation. It is weird how the mind will focus on stupid things so I don't have to think of what is really happening. Finally, I realized it was silly and just an object.

The "spot" is so peaceful. I was reminded there of all the ridiculous arguments and things I stressed out about. I wish I had enjoyed him and life with him more. If only I had known...Dishes aren't important, leaving his shoes in the kitchen isn't the end of the world. I will enjoy every moment now. I just enjoyed being in that spot and resting with him and Jesus.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Erica,

My heart broke for you when I heard of HeeJun's death. I have prayed for you repeatedly over the past few weeks, and will continue to do so. I praise the Lord for his faithfulness as he comforts you with his word.

Much, much love,
Andrea (from ECU crusade)

Steven and Candi Manning said...

Job is such an amazing book - it really makes you sit back and go, WOW! It's so hard to understand God's plan...and I don't know that we ever will. You're right, all we can do is rest in his care.