Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Job and Dancing

I read a bit of Job last night and was...humbled and comforted. Reading Job 38- 42 where God answers Job's questions with asking "Where were you when I laid the foundation of the Earth? Did you tell the ocean it can only come this far?'" How can I possible understand God's mind and character. It is only my job to rest in His care. Trust Him for who He is.

I was listening to a CD I burned quickly of the music HeeJ had on his computer. As I am crying over "Blessed Be The Name" and sobbing "you give and take away", suddenly "Wu Tang Clan Ain't nothing to @#$$% with" came blaring through the speakers. That's my HeeJun. I actually danced a bit to "Damn, Don't It Feel Good to be a Gangster".

I went to the "spot" today. It is difficult to say grave. I woke up early and just had to go get windchimes for the spot. I went to three different stores and probably freaked a few people out with my desperation. It is weird how the mind will focus on stupid things so I don't have to think of what is really happening. Finally, I realized it was silly and just an object.

The "spot" is so peaceful. I was reminded there of all the ridiculous arguments and things I stressed out about. I wish I had enjoyed him and life with him more. If only I had known...Dishes aren't important, leaving his shoes in the kitchen isn't the end of the world. I will enjoy every moment now. I just enjoyed being in that spot and resting with him and Jesus.

2 comments:

andrea said...

Erica,

My heart broke for you when I heard of HeeJun's death. I have prayed for you repeatedly over the past few weeks, and will continue to do so. I praise the Lord for his faithfulness as he comforts you with his word.

Much, much love,
Andrea (from ECU crusade)

Candi said...

Job is such an amazing book - it really makes you sit back and go, WOW! It's so hard to understand God's plan...and I don't know that we ever will. You're right, all we can do is rest in his care.