Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Panic

Grief comes in waves. Crashing waves. I crashed yesterday. I have never felt such panic and anxiety. I couldn't make it stop. Going to the doctor tomorrow because this is getting ridiculous.



My life sustainers came over for ice cream last night. It is always so wonderful to be around them. They have no idea how much it means to me to have them around and caring.



They were there for me on that day and have surrounded themselves around me ever since. It's great to have that. I get a glimpse of what it's like to not have support when I go to work. Everyone has forgotten. Nobody even mentions it or cares. If I show even the slightest bit of "losing it" I'm seen as incapable. Not a great feeling. I could focus all my energy on that bitterness and anger towards them. Instead I will focus on those life sustainers who show such love and compassion towards me!

1 comment:

womanNshadows said...

i know how hard those "panic" days are but i am so glad you have people who come to you at a moment's notice. it's you. because you have an inner light that makes people want to be close to you. i hope this panic subsides and more peaceful times swing back around.