Sunday, September 27, 2009

My excuses for being absent

I sold my old tv and bought a new one. Major temper tantrums ensued. I had to hire "a boy" to hook it all up. Lots of "why isn't HeeJun here?" and "why did he do this?!" tears!
I got a new lawn mower for my birthday. I tried to start it...
and, of course, my father ended up doing it. I actually just came in from a major meltdown outside battling the stupid lawn mower. Thank goodness for concerned neighbors!

I went in for what I thought was going to be a little cortizone shot for my aching back. They gave me some happy juice and that is all I remember from the day. My back still aches, but the happy juice was worth it!
Sweet Moorea and Jumpy Juneau keep me busy and entertained. She is ADORABLE and so perfect. He is a protector and a loyal friend.

She got her first haircut today!

Work is keeping me busy! It is ironic- just a little over a year ago, the "plans" were to leave work and be a stay at home mom. Ah, plans...
Yes, I wore this in public.

Purple Day!
Pajama Day at work. Can't complain when you get to wear sleepies to work!

I have also become friends with a new member of this "horrible club we have that no one wants to join"- the widow's club. I have no idea how she is standing. It's weird being on this side of grief- the side that hurt becomes familiar and you learn to keep breathing. I have noticed that God has been placing several new young widows in my life lately. I have been able to be to them what Kathryn was for me. But, on my side, it also reaffirms to me that I'm not crazy. It is totally normal to not be able to take a deep breath, to think that your husband is laying in bed with you, to dream that it never happened, to not be able to get out of bed, to have your mind going a hundred miles a minute, to forget things, to want to keep busy, to want to be alone, to want to be surrounded by friends, to cry over the lawn mower, to laugh at inappropriate times. I remember all that, and still go through it often. Not as often as before. And that is what I can tell them. "Not as often as before." So, that's hopeful, right?


The Widower Dad said...

I agree. In the little over 13 months in this, our horrid little club, "not as often as before" is as accurately hopeful as you could be. It won't hurt less, and just when you think it may lessen it hurts just as much as "that day".

There are more days of contentment strung together. There are less horrible days that sneak up, swallow you whole, and spit you out. Life still seems surreal at times and dreams still serve to confuse reality if only for a moment. As our journey takes us farther from "that day" we learn to cope a little better, and "not as often as before" do we fall apart completely.

Julie and Jim Acuna said...

I had to laugh when I saw your dad moving your lawn with your new birthday gift!! Loving the new TV and couch in the front room (and I think the pups, especially Juneau love it too...he "talks" to me all the time when I'm outside).

Supa Dupa Fresh said...

"Not as often as before" is fantastic. Some day you'll be saying something even more hopeful. Yes, believe it.