Saturday, December 6, 2008

"You done made me have to count to 10!"

What a weird week! It seems like I can go through the week normally and then save all the crying and stuff for the weekends. It almost felt like HeeJun was on vacation this week. I actually found myself enjoying time friends. I found myself dancing. Thank goodness for Britney, Rihanna and Beyonce. Whenever I am driving and it gets too hard, I just blare their songs and it gets easier to wipe the tears away.

I met for dinner with friends this week, new and old. It is so encouraging talking to them. So comforting. No one gives me advice or tells me it will be o.k. They are just there for me, just praying for me. It's nice. Little night lights in the darkness.

When people do try to say things to make it better, I want to ask, "do you know how it feels to have the Troopers show up at your door while you are unloading groceries, do you know what it feels like to hear your family screaming on the phone, to wake up and wish it was a nightmare, to feel numb, to not know how to define yourself now, to have your whole life change, to feel like a part of you is missing, to miss someone so deeply...?, then I might listen to what you have to say.

An epiphany; I have recently got back in touch with my old college rommates. There were 5 of us living in this crazy house next to Dominoes. I call it the cursed house because we had some crazy times there. I lost touch with 3 of them and through all this they have either reached out to me or I have found them. All of them are either pregnant or just had a baby. Seriously, all 4 of them. At first it made me want to scream, Why not me, and indulge in a pity party of ice cream. Then a friend reminded me of a quote by Mother Teresa, "God doesn't give you anything you can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much". It made me think, well, maybe it's good that this happened to me, because I can handle this. Maybe other people couldn't. And I would not wish this on anyone. Another thing that friend reminded me of is that God sometimes uses trials to remind our own selves how much Faith we have. God knows how much Faith I have. it's me who has to remember.

The Title of this post is a funny story that happened Friday. I just wanted to remind myself that I can laugh. As Miranda said in SATC, "You will laugh when something is really funny". In the pool on Friday, one of my rascalls tried to punch another kid for splashing and I totally lost it. I was so mad, I turned around and yelled "You done made me have to count to 10!" All the kids in the pool got quiet, ( I think some of them probably peed in the pool) and then one said, " I love when you get like that Miss Erica. Your face turns red".

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