Sunday, June 6, 2010

Don't be mistaken

Please, don't mistake my tears for weakness. But most of all don't mistake my smiles for strength.

i wake up most mornings thinking of him. I think about him as I drive. I miss him at lunch. I miss him on the way home. I think about him all the time. i ache for him at night. I fall asleep looking at these pictures. I can't believe all I have is pictures. I can't believe the man in the pictures isn't on this earth. It weirds me out. Breaks my heart.
Just because I don't say it, don't be mistaken.

I think this is a common fear with widows. People just think we are ok. I know people have decided, "yep, erica's doing so much better. she's all better now". They have no idea.

I guess that's my fault for not talking about it as much. But really, if I did, it's all you would hear. And you don't want to hear that.


stambaughfamily said...

Don't mind hearing about him at all! Bring it on :) Love you friend.

Ella xxx said...

This is the first time I have commented on your blog but this post struck me so deeply. Your words could be my own.

Much love.

Heather said...

My biggest fear is that as time and life goes on, everyone else will forget about James.

the Orrs said...

Erica, I just finished reading a book, The Year of Magical Thinking, by Joan Didion. I thought of you a lot as I read it...have you heard of it?