Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Easter and Babies

A wonderful friend reminded me as I was driving and feeling all down and "Easter Sucks"-ish that HeeJun would be having the celebration of a lifetime on Easter? Can you imagine the Spring Fling and Easter Celebration in Heaven? I can imagine HeeJ dancing and pretty much going nuts!

My dearest friend, A, had her baby this week. So adorable, so beautiful, so cute, so exciting. But since this blog is MY blog I will leave her story out of this, even though it is a very sweet and hopeful one. She is one strong woman!

Of course, holding the baby that was born exactly 8 months after HeeJ passed, 9 months after we "tried" in Alaska, the baby that should have a "cousin Kim" to play with, brought all kinds of emotions. Shoulda, coulda, if only thoughts. If we had gotten pregnant in Alaska, if I hadn't miscarried last year, if if if!

In college, HeeJun and I took our picture in one of those booths, where they show you what your child will look like together. Here is that picture! Please note the red hair on an Asian! Poor kid.

When I was pregnant, A sent me this card. It still cracks me up. if only...shoulda...


Brittany said...

To everything there is a season,
a time for every purpose under the sun.
A time to be born and a time to die;
a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
a time to kill and a time to heal ...
a time to weep and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn and a time to dance ...
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to lose and a time to seek;
a time to rend and a time to sew;
a time to keep silent and a time to speak;
a time to love and a time to hate;
a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

This is a cliche, but I believe it with all of my heart.
How else can we explain the losses that we have? It is all God and His perfect timing (sometimes I think His timing really sucks, but He is the "All Knowing One," not me!).

P.S. I would give my right arm to feel like crap because of pregnancy! But, that would make holding a baby hard... maybe my big toe?! :)

Hugs, Friend.

Amanda said...

Big hugs. Matt and I had a long discussion last night about Heejun, Nicole, death...the whole 'taboo' conversation we never breech. It was nice and comforting.

So uh- we need to put on a calendar our Ikea excursion and soon!

Anonymous said...

Cant remember how I found your blog, but wanted to say... I totally know how you're feeling. My husband was also killed in an accident in 2008, we had no kids, and not a day goes by when I don't see people with their kids or spouses and think, why don't I have that too? Gotta keep thinking good thoughts, remembering wonderful times, while time somehow continues to move on. And oh do I know how hard it is. I'm sending virtual hugs your way.