Monday, January 25, 2010

This is a joke

HeeJun was never a practical joker. Although, he did love giving silly gag gifts at Christmas. But never a joker.

So, I wonder why when the troopers told me HeeJun had been in an accident and it was bad, I kept saying "this is a joke." Kept screaming, "you're joking". I'm not one who usually thinks things are jokes. I wonder where that came from. Shock. Not being able to process it. Shock is a weird thing. I remember shaking uncontrollably and not being able to stand.

This came to my mind today for two reasons. I was reminded of the words we say during shock from a bereaved mother's blog. Her screams of NO reminded me of my screams, prayers that it was all a joke. I found the little pink slip of paper the troopers used to identify my house and to remember what to tell me.

Burke Co.

Trooper Wakefield

Asian Male

Wife Erica

Taken to Grace Hospital


womanNshadows said...

i am sorry that you have this memory. i understand it though. it stays in the back for a while and then it comes up front to remind you it's still there. one day at a time and just breathe is all we can do, and that sounds so small and useless even as i type it. but you have a lot of people around you who love you and are there for you. you are in my thoughts.

Brittany said...

This hurts my heart today.