haunted

where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which i find myself constantly walking around in the day time, and falling into at night.

i'm ok. enjoying seeing friends and going for walks with juneau.

but whenever i am in the car, or see a motorcycle, or smell the flowers, or feel the cool breeze, memories of that day kept creeping in. thinking of what HeeJun must have been feeling. thinking about that one tear. thinking about the troopers at my house. what if i had been out of town? what if i hadn't answered the door? what if amory hadn't been home? remembering calling Bomi. realizing that this is real. sometimes it feels like i just talked to him yesterday. realizing that we won't have an anniversary this year, or a family, we won't grow old together. this is fricking for real. it's an instant of feeling sorrow, and then someone calls, or i figure out how to work a new gadget on my phone, or i realize i need to clean out that stink in my refridgerator, or the laundry buzzes...so i pick myself up and embrace the fact that i just miss him.