Saturday, July 18, 2009

Happy Birthday My Love

July 18th. You should have been 31. We should have gone to visit you family and your sister should have made you a cake... Or maybe they would have come here. Your mom would have made Kalbi and PiBiPop. You would have grilled out and been proud of your master grilling skills. They would have bought you shirts and you would return them the next day. Maybe we would have had a baby by now. Maybe that would have been your gift. If you were here and I know what I know now, it would all be different.

Last year his parents came to visit us. i tried to plan a big party since he was 30, but it fell through. He didn't care. He just wanted to spend it with his family. He said Alaska was his big present. He got a lot of presents for our Alaska trip . His sister bought a cheesecake and made a cake. If only I had known in 23 days, everything would change. If I knew...I would hold on and not let go. I would enjoy every moment.

This year, I knew I needed to get out of town. If not, I would have done the "what if, and the why, why, why's". I knew I wasn't strong enough for that. Doug and Angela were kind enough to take me hiking up to Linville Falls and around some beautiful trails on the Blue Ridge Parkway. We also visited the crash site. I know it was hard for Doug to be there. I am so grateful for them and their willingness to hike with me on a day that I was most zombied out. I honestly didn't process the ride there and can't remember now which park we visited. I was just there for the ride. I did make it a point to enjoy the beauty around me and to enjoy spending time with good people. Being outside and enjoying the day was the best thing I could do. I think HeeJun would have liked that i was doing that. Although, he would have hated the hiking and the bugs (He would have said Asians don't hike.) I was so tired afterwards that i just zonked out and had no time to cry.

Juneau's pack for the day!

So I thought I would cry today, but still the tears are won't come. What is wrong with me? Even at church today- (ps. I went to a church where the preacher had a fo-hawk and blonde tips. how cool is that?!)- no tears. which most likely means they will come at the weirdest time.

Well, Happy Birthday to my HeeJun. I wonder if someone had told you at your birthday last year that you only had 23 more days on Earth, would you have seen it as a gift to be with your Savior in 23 days?

As Beth said, "you are where you would most like to celebrate your birthday".


womanNshadows said...

you are in my thoughts and heart. i have no other words for this kind of moment. i'm glad you had friends to be with.

daniela said...

Erica,friend.....I am so glad that you had the strength to go out that day! Thinking of you!
Love in Christ,

Jessie said...

beautiful... I sang a little belated Happy Birthday just for him

Amanda said...

We love you Erica. Happy Birthday HeeJun. Caedmon said they have two cakes in Heaven.