Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Back to Work, Everybody Work, Work, Work Work

I have marvelous and wonderful co-workers. I went back to work this week. I have only been able to make it through half of the days, but I am slowly easing back in. I had to call my friend from the parking lot to have him walk in with me. Being at work is a weird feeling. It is the most normal thing I did before; I'm sitting at the same computer, writing the same assessments and discharges, looking at the same email, doing the same laundry, hearing the same shrieks and yells from the gym...but my whole life is different now. Sometimes it catches me and I gasp when I remember what is really going on in my life. Really, is this my life? Am I really "that girl"? I feel like I haven't been able to breathe in 33 days.

My co-workers have been amazingly kind and understanding. They have filled me with comfort and showered me with kindness. The kids have made me laugh (being called a BITCH on my first day back always makes me laugh), and have broken my heart at the same time. I tried to be brave and make it to the cafeteria yesterday. However, most of the kids know what happened and these poor guys don't quite know how to process that. I heard one even thought maybe she had caused it. Well, they must have had a group on how to show empathy, because half of them came up to me and in a well rehearsed manner said, "Miss Erica, I am so sorry for your loss." However, in the same breath they ask "when are you gonna take us swimming" and with big, weird smiles, "your husband is dead?" One little guy asked me today when he saw me leaving early, " Are you going to go look for your husband?" Sweetie, I already know where he is (and he is probably laughing hysterically right now).

4 comments:

Sarah Schroeder said...

You are the strongest woman in the world Erica!

Jessie said...

Was the little one who asked you that perhaps blond & chubby? I was listening to a song on the radio today driving home and pretty much lost it. It made me think of you and for a split second I was in your place. I am really in awe of your strength and faith. I love you and miss you like crazy!!!

PS- Pool Laundry sucks!

ladypunc said...

I know its not the same thing but last February my new house burned down and I was at work when it happened so everyone knew about it and saw me crying. I didn't go back to work for like 2 weeks and I was so nervous going back but everyone was so supportive and I really thanked God everyday that I had such really good people around me to get me thru.

~Patina

Katie said...

It's over a year later and this last comment still bothers me. Losing a person is nothing like losing a house. Thank God no one was hurt in previous poster's house fire, but please keep in perspective that HeeJun is a person and irreplaceable.