Missing my other half. Missing my person.

Lots of new things this week to tell HeeJun. I started leading groups at work. One of my little 7 year old girls told me "it is o.k to be sad, Miss Erica. It will probably take a year to stop being sad". I started going to a therapist. He said I was doing o.k. Baloney. I emailed a pastor in Raleigh that I really admire, and he asked if he could share my story in one of his sermons. I found a cemetary in Charlotte that I go to when I need to cry. I watched my friends get ready for our 10 year high school reunion. I had to change my status at work to widow. I had to change my emergency contact person. I realized I don't have a person. HeeJun was my person.

I miss him at 4:30, when I would usually call him to tell him I'm on my way home. I miss him while watching the Office. I miss him while holding my friends new ADORABLE babies. I miss him at church. I miss him under the lamp post between my house and Sarah's.

Music has helped me reach and sort through my emotions. These lyrics have been playing in my head lately.

"There's a light at the end of this tunnel. Shinin' bright at the end of this tunnel For you, for you So keep holdin' on" Third Day- Tunnel

"I'm falling apart. I'm barely breathing With a broken heart That's still beating In the pain There is healing In your name I find meaning So I'm holding on " Lifehouse- Broken