Saturday, December 19, 2009

Nothing Compares

There is so much hurt and heartbreak around me now. I never got it, but it really is everywhere.

I had coffee today with an amazingly strong "2 week old" widow. She probably won't even remember our conversation. I know I don't remember much of what happened for those first months. Our stories are completely different. Yet, I know that blank stare. I know those tears.

One topic of conversation was the comparison game widows and, well, mostly everyone around us plays. "At least, you don't have kids" or "Thank goodness you have kids". "At least you are so young" vs. "Aren't you glad you had so many years together". "At least he died suddenly and quickly" vs. "Aren't you glad you knew and had time to talk about death."

I've learned that there is no way to compare grief. Kids, no kids, old, young...grief is hard no matter what. Losing your love, losing the life you dreamed of hurts, aches, takes your breath away.

4 comments:

Brittany said...

Amen!
And, well said.

I'm glad you could be there with her. You are a blessing to many people, in many ways. Including me!

Hugs,
Britt

womanNshadows said...

i am glad you said it. there is no comparison from one person's grief to another's. grief is personal, intimate, and private. to each mourner, losing their soulmate is the worst thing they will ever experience. no one should diminish the grief of another. and i agree with your friend that you are a blessing to a great many people. you have been to me.

Future chef :) said...

I've read EVERY post you've published , And i've cried and laughed , and i feel like i know you even though i don't , and i know that i have no clue how you must feel, but i think you are the strongest person i've ever not met . and i hope that if anything like that ever happened to me i would be half as strong you are! you give many people hope,And i hope you know that , you inspired alot of people who i showed this to.

Steven and Candi Manning said...

I know it's not a role you ever wanted or anticipated having, but I'm so thankful that these other ladies have you in their time of need.