Sunday, January 18, 2009

Fill 'er up

What a mess I am this weekend. So blue and grumpy. I think it is really starting to hit me, the sadness. I feel like I can't breathe and I just want to lay down and do nothing. Thank goodness for Juneau having to pee or I probably would have slept all day. I had no energy and just got overwhelmed at all the things I should be doing; like cleaning my house, vacuuming, doing dishes and then I thought what is the point, and then I got all worried that I was depressed enough to need medication, then I just said "woman, it's ok to be sad, " and I laid down. It's a vicious cycle.

I tried to fill the emptiness with the things that used to work. The things that I used to loved and would make me so happy. Before all this, I would go days just planning on what I was going to buy or thinking about when I could get a Mocha. Starbucks, Ice Cream, shopping, talking with friends, nothing worked. I know, I know. Only Christ can fill the emptiness. But I have issues with that One. How do I fill the ache with the One who planned the ache? I know, I know. My Hope should "endure the worst of conditions". And it does in my head. But my heart simply hurts. I want Him to make it all better, to make the hurt go away. I just miss my HeeJuna.


jasonandbonnie said...

Hey -I'm really sorry that you are "having a bad day" (not to put that lightly). I would totally eat Ben and Jerry's with you right now...lots of it. Praying for you right now.

Jessie said...

I would give a thousand dollars to spend a day eating Ben & Jerry's and watch Gilmore Girls with you.