Tuesday, March 17, 2009

How to Help

One thing I have learned from all this is how to show compassion to others. Before all this I never quite knew what people needed and kinda avoided that whole grief thing. My "person's" mama passed away and my roommates father passed away a few years ago. I honestly had no idea the pain they were going through. And I had no idea how to help. now my heart breaks for them and for others that are going through such things. Here's what I have learned:
  • Don't say "if you need anything, call" because they won't call. No one ever calls because they don't want to be a burden or they think people don't care or they don't even know what they need. Just do it. Whatever your talent. Do it. Don't ask. Do it.
  • Cooking is always needed. Always. I have been living off tostitos and ice cream. Meals are great because no one grieving wants or has the energy to cook. Sometimes they don't want to go out, so dropping off hot meals or giving them something easy to bake is always always appreciated.
  • Cards and calls are always a comfort. Even when you think they aren't. Just to get a message on voicemail can make someone's day. I always thought "they don't want to hear from me or it won't matter" but IT DOES. The worst day is when you go to the mailbox and all that is left is bills and junk mail. poo.
  • It's the little things that help tremendously. Lawns being mowed, mulch spread, garbage taken out, mailbox fixed, groceries bought, house cleaned, car filled with gas. And you have to be sneaky about it. Our society doesn't take well to "charity" and most people, including myself, will never ask for help. Get their garage code, or use a spare key and sneak in and clean their house. I came home today and my lawn was mowed and pine straw was spread! How cool is that?
  • Don't stop the calls and cards. it's when they stop, that the loneliness and darkness creeps in. Mark you calendars to call or send a card months after the initial incident.

I write these things, because they have all been done for me.



Anonymous said...

hi there,
you have no idea who i am but i came across your blog through a friend of mine. your story has touched me so much. i can not begin to imagine your grief that you must face. i do pray for you though everyday and pray that ur Father continues to show himself to you in new ways. really...He loves you so much, you are His child and I know He will work through you in great ways.

Brittany said...

I was 25 when my husband passed away, and I wish someone had told my friends these gems of advice.

Three years later, I am figuring it out on my own (with new friends), with God by my side.

I praise the Lord for giving you the strength to start this blog. (I wish I'd had one during my first year; however, I did have a journal.)
I pray that your writing will be cathartic (to you and others), and that you will enjoy watching yourself grow from post, to post.

I have only read a couple of your entries, and I am anxious to get to know you and HeeJun.

** PS. I commented on "That Day." Many parts of it are so familiar; it took me right back. And, my husband's darn alarm woke me up the next morning... It was like salt to a wound. **

Hugs from someone that understands,